the river...

My heart is heavy as I write today.  Probably more details than most of you care to hear.  Wondering what is coming.  Curious how the dips and turns in the river are going to bring me where I need to go and be.  I realize more and more that my perspective on the circumstances around me are rarely what I see them to be.  They are all God's hand pushing me in the right direction.  Emotions that seem out of place, friendships that seem strained, jobs going better than expected, desires being awakened, promises being fulfilled, prayers being answered or denied, they are all part of getting me where God wants me.

I use to look at things as simply good or bad.  People being mean was bad and people being nice was good, but I don't think that way anymore.  The mean people could be just a pawn in the hand of the Lord to push me away from those people or places that I have become to comfortable and dependent on in the direction he wants me to.  Maybe I should go back to thinking so simply, but I just dont' anymore and the great thing is God knows me and how I think.  He sometimes speaks straight to me about the next step or direction to take but other times I find Him quiet and I must just keep rolling down the river.  Trusting His unspoken guidance and the instincts He's already put in my heart.  No, no one is being 'mean' to me and I'm not making life decisions right now based off of that, it's simply an analogy.  But the truth of the matter is we must know that if God is as big as we know He must be then He can use our emotions as much as He can use our external circumstances.  Are we to base our decisions on emotions, I think not, but if we are living in pursuit of the Lord's will and aligning our spirit, soul and body with this, giving Jesus the ruling and reigning power in our lives, then we can only conclude that He is doing just that-ruling over our emotions and using them for His plans and purposes like bumps and turns in the river to guide us where we need to go. 

There are a lot of turns and twists in the river that I'm riding out right now.  It is a fun ride most days, sobering on others.  Today it is the latter.  Sobering because things cannot stay as they've been.  They can't,  even if I try to resist the change He won't allow me to stay put.  He has too many great things ahead.

You take my mourning

And turn it into dancing

You take my weeping

And turn it into laughing

You take my sadness

And turn it into joy

You give me JOY! 

You bring restoration,

To my soul!
Halelujah,
You make all things new!

the importance of 7 years ago...

January 2010 is over.

I can honestly say last month was life changing! From the cleanse I started on January 1st all the way to the very end on my birthday, it was been a great start to 2010!

I feel like so much was packed into 31 days! How can so much change in so little time? I believe beginnings say a lot about what is to come and right now I'm very excited! I know I've said it before but the last few months there's been a new anticipation in my spirit that is feeling released!

Today a good friend of mine, who works for Apple, let me use her 25% discount to order my new computer and accessories. (If you want to know the story on what happened to my old stuff, read here) It has been a year and a half of waiting, which makes this week so much sweeter!  I'll be paying for everything cash-in-hand!  The camera will have to wait for now, but in due time. 

Alot is happening right now and one thing is I am starting to help my brother and sister-in-law with their new company, Greenovation Builders, and doing a lot of the social media side of things.  It is already so much fun working with them, networking with others, facing all the technological challenges that are new and needed and then knowing I'm learning a new skill.  Fun could be an overstatement in the future, but for now the excitement of doing something new that I consider somewhat play is exciting!

But recently I was talking to a girl about how 7 years ago I had this director I was working under ask me what I wanted to do in the future.  It was such a tiny glimpse at the time, but I told him I wanted to work with organizations or ministries helping advertise for them and getting them support (also known as marketing).  At the time I was doing some small graphic design projects and could see myself doing brochures and pamphlets for them to be able to give out to people; working toward this effort, but a couple years later was when my desire for photography was drawn out.  I then could see how that same vision for working with ministries and organizations must really be about doing photography for them.  It must.  And now, 7 years later, I wish I could say I have it all figured out, but I don't.  I just know that what I'm starting to do for my brother's company sure fits what I spoke 7 years ago. 

Well a couple weeks ago talking to this girl she told me that there have been many prophetic words about remembering the things that happened in 2003 (7 years ago).  The visions and dreams God established, the prophetic words given and anything else of significance that happened that year.  That was the same year I spoke out that dream in my heart to that director.

Here's just a couple other things of slight importance that happened that year:
1) I went on my first international mission trip overseas
2) I almost died of malaria
3) I spoke out this dream in my heart
4) I wrote my first song

Ya, just a few minor things happened in 2003. 

Well I've been thinking and praying about these things and asking the Lord what He wanted to pinpoint from it all-thinking ya, there was a lot that happened that year, but really, it was seven years ago and maybe I'm reading into it more than I should.  So then yesterday my friend went to place my order to get my new labtop and other accessories to replace those that were stolen a year and a half ago...also part of the tools needed to really pursue some of my dreams... and when she got to the end she said, ok the total comes to $2003 exactly.  Coincidence?  Possibly... but... I'm going to take it as my confirmation of the importance of that year and all that God spoke and did in my life that  year...AND that the timing is NOW to restore and start putting those things into tangible evidence!  That's what I'm believing!

Yes...a lot has happened in January 2010. 

2010 you have me puzzled but utterly excited! 

an amazing plan...

The following is by John Eldridge Ransomed Ministries and as I read it I couldn't help feel like it confirmed what I have known and believed so deep inside has to be true. Not that I was really doubting those beliefs, but this was a small echoing cry to remember the simplicity of why He came. It wasn't just a good idea. It wasn't just a compassionate decision so we would maybe like Him in return. It was an overwhelmingly amazing plan to restore God's creation to His original plan and purpose! And if you don't know what that plan and purpose originally was... well just leave a comment and I'll be sure and expound a bit! Because... it's realllllly good. Enjoy!


Restoration...

Look at the life of Jesus. Notice what he did. When Jesus touched the blind, they could see; all the beauty of the world opened before them. When he touched the deaf, they were able to hear; for the first time in their lives they heard laughter and music and their children’s voices. He touched the lame, and they jumped to their feet and began to dance. And he called the dead back to life and gave them to their families.


Do you see? Wherever humanity was broken, Jesus restored it. He is giving us an illustration here, and there, and there again. The coming of the kingdom of God restores the world he made.

God has been whispering this secret to us through creation itself, every year, at springtime, ever since we left the Garden. Sure, winter has its certain set of joys. The wonder of snowfall at midnight, the rush of a sled down a hill, the magic of the holidays. But if winter ever came for good and never left, we would be desolate. Every tree leafless, every flower gone, the grasses on the hillsides dry and brittle. The world forever cold, silent, bleak.


After months and months of winter, I long for the return of summer. Sunshine, warmth, color, and the long days of adventure together. The garden blossoms in all its beauty. The meadows soft and green. Vacation. Holiday. Isn’t this what we most deeply long for? To leave the winter of the world behind, what Shakespeare called “the winter of our discontent,” and find ourselves suddenly in the open meadows of summer?


If we listen, we will discover something of tremendous joy and wonder. The restoration of the world played out before us each spring and summer is precisely what God is promising us about our lives. Every miracle Jesus ever did was pointing to this Restoration, the day he makes all things new.

incredibly blessed...

It can easily be said that the older you get the better your friends should get. They should get better because as you grow in relationship together-you learn each other. You learn weaknesses and strengths about each other and good friends look past just those and know your heart, or your intentions. They learn how you receive love best and also understand why you do what you do. They have probably met your family at one point or another and so that adds to their understanding of who you are. All close friendships have usually gone through the fire of some sort where a decision had to be made, 'I accept you as you are.' You don't leave each other there, but exort and at times confront each other to bring out the best in one another.

This past weekend over my birthday I realized how greatful I am for so many good friends! There were definite decisions made at one point or another in many of my friendships and I'm sure they had to make a decision about me too. At points learning to leave the door open, but expecting nothing in return, knowing all God appointed friendships will come back around in the right timing. Choosing to quickly forgive. Choosing to walk with each other through hurt, frustration and disappointment. That's what relationship is all about. I learn a little more each year.

Two very close friends of mine and I were suppose to drive up to Nashville this past weekend, but due to the impending ice/snow we cancelled our plans. My best friend then began planning a spa day for her and I on Friday. I realized though I'd love to have a spa day, I often don't take the time and effort for myself to make it happen and she made it all happen! She found a very cute little place in an old antique house where we both enjoyed a massage and then a facial! It was splendid! That night I went to dinner at close friends (as I do every Friday) and they had prepared a meal (of which they must have known I'd love), all broiled fresh vegetables along with pasta and sauce. Then for desert was two platters of yummy fresh fruit and a rum fruit dip! My tastebuds were going crrrazy! They'd also gotten champagne and we had a few toasts. I felt incredibly special by the end of the day!

But the celebrations continued...Saturday I slept in and then went to brunch with one of my roommates! We then went to watch a movie and had a great time just hanging out. That evening my best friend had made all the plans for a group of our close friends to eat dinner and go bowling! It was such a fun group and though I didn't break 100 on either game, (i know, so pathetic) we still had a blast! Several people had to go home after that, but a group of us ended up going out dancing for seveal more hours! So many laughs and memories made in one day! I couldn't have planned a better birthday!

My decision on birthdays isn't so much if you remember them years from now, not on how much money is spent or on how long it was stretched out, but on if you feel special at the time. It could be because my top love languages are 1)quality time 2)words of encouragement, not negating the others, but cards and personal comments by people is like speaking my language :).

So thank you to so many of you who made this birthday extra special, with cards, comments, giving to Haiti, gifts and Ang for planning most everything this weekend! My heart feels incredibly blessed!

my birthday wish...

So today I was asked what I wanted for my birthday from a good friend. I thought for a few minutes and couldn't think of anything. I can think of nothing I really 'need' and though there are always wants, those wants are far beyond any physical thing I really need and amidst a life transforming weekend at a conference with Lou Engle and Dutch Sheets and currently listening to a set at the House of Prayer on adoption I thought of something I'd really like for my birthday. I'd like for anyone who was thinking/wanting to get me anything to take just a few mnutes and think about our luxurious lives. Think about the bed you have to sleep on. Think about the shoes you have to wear (most of having many many more than we need). Think about how many meals you eat in a day where you have food leftover. Think about the car you own. Think about all the 'extra's' you have and don't even think about. The decorations. The cable tv. The cabinet full of food. Think of all those things that are luxuries to you and then think about all of the people in Haiti who have nothing. They don't even have necessities!

My favorite thing about my birthday is the quality time that I get with all of my friends and family! It's a special time to let the world revolve around me for just a short second :), but as much as I love this time, my heart is heavy and burdened for all of those who can no longer have quality time with their close friends because they didn't make it through the earthquake. So give your money to someone who really needs it and just leave me a little encouraging note (since words of encouragement is my second love language after quality time).

I am donating money to an organization that I know personally and as much as I wish I could go be a hands-on solution in this enormous crisis (which I'm still trying to do) these are people I know who are doing just that. They are taking supplies to meet physical needs, but are also taking spiritual food. So as a friend of mine who maybe wanted to get me a little something for my birthday, I'm asking that you change the life of someone else in Haiti in honor of my birthday. I will be turning 28 years old in 5 days and whatever you can give is awesome, but I'm suggesting you give at least $28. THIS is how I would like to spend my birthday money-partnering together with friends around the globe to give out of our abundance and watch God work.

This organization is called R.U.4 Children and they are on the ground in Haiti right now and need our help for the overwhelming needs they are finding everywhere they go!

watching...

So I realized something about myself today and I'm sure I'm not the only one who fits in this category, but ever since the earthquake happened in Haiti I have found myself avoiding the news. I hear about it everywhere I go, plus facebook, twitter, the radio and what I realized is I have been avoiding watching the news about it. I didn't realize I was avoiding it until yesterday when I saw a clip on everything and I about broke down. All day today I haven't been able to get around the idea that giving money just isn't enough...not for me. I want to give more and more and the compassion being released from the whole world is so amazing to hear about, but you see I'm a doer. I like to fix things. I want to be the tangible expression of that compassion. Both are needed, but I guess today I realized I've been avoiding watching because I don't want to cry. I don't want my heart to hurt. I want to be able to go about my day and take for granted my blessed life. I don't want to feel so incredibly spoiled and then have to face the reality of the decision stirring within me, "Who will go for me?"

And really it has to do with so much more than Haiti. It's a question stirring inside of me that can't help but be pulled up with situations like this. It's that question I've tried to contain and control my whole life I'm pretty sure, even when I didn't know it. It's the question that forces me to take action and make a decision. Because you see, every major calling and conviction requires just that. If you make the decision to overlook, push down, avoid and bury the question you will only continue to walk away from your calling and the freedom that comes only in truely being fulfilled by doing what your father made you to do. Not out of obligation or a need of His approval, but simply out of the fact that He knows when you are fulfilled in following what He has put in you, you will become fully alive...and then...you will be the very best expression of His heart, His glory, that you can!

Every person that chooses to play in the game of the Kingdom of God has a unique role to play. You are doing yourself, your Father and everyone else a huge injustice to not play YOUR part! The whole team is less because of it. They can put another person in to play your part, but it will then look different and the fulfillment you would have had will only wait a short while before trying to push itself back to the surface again. And you can keep going in circles trying to tame it, control it and make it look the way you want to, but the best thing to do is simply to jump and wrecklessly abandon!

Don't just watch from the sidelines anymore.

Allyster...

Another friend getting ready to go overseas, this is Allyster. He will be joining the group of those that are already in Brussels, Belgium to start a House of Prayer and eventually a discipleship program. Allyster will be one of 7 adults moving over to Belgium with a huge heart for the people in Europe and all that God is doing there. Click here to read more about Ninthhour ministries.